Unlimited imaginary ingestion
Send us absolutely nothing. We do not have an ingestion endpoint, which makes our fictional pipeline exceptionally easy to maintain.
SECURITY OPERATIONS / FICTIONAL SOLUTION
Fowlcon Next-Gen SQUIEM
All your logs.
None of the answers.
Security Questions, Unnecessary Insights & Event Management. Finally, an imaginary SIEM that correlates every alert with your growing desire to move to the woods.
Independent parody. No software, security service, or protection is provided.
CAPABILITIES / IN OUR IMAGINATION
Enterprise features.
Suspiciously little enterprise.
Natural-language overthinking
Ask a pretend question. Receive a fictional answer, six follow-up questions, and a diagram of a squirrel.
Noise-to-noise correlation
Group unrelated imaginary alerts into a single, much more intimidating imaginary alert. Efficiency has never looked so busy.
HOW IT DOESN’T ACTUALLY WORK
From detection to dramatic conclusion.
- 01
Ingest
A fictional log reports that another fictional log was successfully logged.
- 02
Correlate
The engine discovers both logs occurred on a day ending in “y.”
- 03
Investigate
A pretend dashboard goes teal. Everyone feels better without learning anything.
A COMPLETELY MADE-UP TESTIMONIAL
“We consolidated twelve dashboards into one dashboard with twelve tabs.”
An imaginary SOC analyst. Not a real customer.
FREQUENTLY AVOIDED QUESTIONS
A little clarity.
For a change.
Can I upload logs or connect a data source?
No. This page accepts no logs, files, event streams, or credentials.
Does the dashboard show live data?
No. All labels and values are static fictional content.
How much does ingestion cost?
Nothing can be ingested or purchased. The pricing and product are jokes.
THERE’S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM